“Blackbird”

A year ago, my 6 year-long relationship ended. Everything I knew about my future crumbled in front of me. I reluctantly left Vermont to heal. Back in my childhood home in Woodstock, Connecticut, I was comatose for two weeks. I couldn’t eat or sleep. All I could do was devise a plan to get back to the comfort of my now-ended relationship.

My mom and I traveled around Connecticut and New York, visiting family on Long Island and the Hamptons. She wanted me to see new places and experience the joy of life again. I didn’t want to, but I knew I needed to. I had to figure out a way to get through something that, at the time, felt insurmountable.
I had no clue who I was or what I wanted in life. My personality revolved around my previous partner. We had grown up together, from 18 to 24.

Sitting in sadness, fear, and loneliness, I knew I had to reach out to my community. I wore my heart on my sleeve and was honest and vulnerable with those around me about how I was feeling, and what I was going through. This opened doors I never could have imagined. The support from my mentors, friends, and family saved me from a relationship that never would have worked out.

I started to listen to music as a way to cope. This became one of the most important tools in my life for managing stress and change.

I dove headfirst. I packed my bags and returned to the woods of Vermont where I walked my dog. We observed the birds and their songs. I traveled to New York City with my greatest friend, where I viewed artwork I never thought I would have the opportunity to see. We shared playlists and commentary on our favorite musical artists. I finally felt that love for life I had lost so long ago.
I made a promise to myself that I would always seek something more, so my life would never become stagnant again. With that promise, my artistic process began to flow as quickly as water.

Second-guessing myself was no longer an option. My need to create grew tenfold.

Blackbird is my new lease on life. It is the strength and power of being a woman. It is the birdsong in the woods as I am walking my dog. The first plants that pop up in spring. Blackbird is the music that helped me cope with loss and change, and the people who believed in me when I couldn’t myself.